Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Tuck Rule

2) 2001 AFC Divisional Playoff: New England 16—Oakland 13 (OT)

You’d expect a 10-point 4th quarter lead in a winter storm to be safe, especially when the team with the lead is stocked with experienced veterans while the losing team is led by a first-year quarterback, a 6th round draft pick who’d never played in the postseason before. But when that QB’s named Tom Brady, those expectations couldn’t be more wrong. Brady hadn’t done anything in the first half, going 6-of-13 for 74 yards. But on the Patriots’ second possession of the 4th quarter, he began his legend, completing 9 passes in a row to drive his team to the Raiders’ six-yard-line. He ran for a TD to finish off the drive. 13-10. Later in the quarter, with less than 3 minutes to go, the Raiders had a 2nd-and-3. If two runs could net a measly 3 yards, they would be able to run out the clock. But this is the Raiders we’re talking about. They failed. They punted, leaving Brady all of two minutes and six seconds to work with. A few plays later, Brady dropped back, pumped faked and found Charles Woodson in his grill. Woodson administered a vicious (illegal) slap to the QB’s head that jarred the ball loose. Fumble! Raider Linebacker Greg Biekert recovers. No flags. The game and Brady’s Cinderella season are done. Or were they? The officials signal the play is being reviewed. Huh? Brady’s arm clearly wasn’t going forward at the time he was hit. No way the officials can overturn the…WHAAAATTTT?! Incomplete pass? Patriots’ ball? Can it be, Raider fans ask? Oh, it be. Credit or blame Rule 3, Section 21, Article 2, Note 2 of the Official Rules of the NFL, or what is now known as “The Tuck Rule”.

I quote: “When a Team A player is holding the ball to pass it forward, any intentional forward movement of his hand starts a forward pass, even if the player loses possession of the ball as he is attempting to tuck it back toward his body”.

Brady pump faked, then got hit and lost the ball as he was bringing it back, i.e. attempting to tuck it, towards his body. The Raider players and coaches whined like babies (as you’d expect), but the refs got it right. Undone by the adversity of one correct call going against them, Oakland fell apart, allowing Brady to drive his team down into FG range. Still, a 45-yarder is no gimmee at any time. Now add a snowy field, poor footing and blizzard-like conditions not to mention the pressure of knowng your team's season is over if you miss. You're practically asking your kicker to make the greatest kick in NFL history. Even for a great kicker like Adam Vinatieri that's asking a...It's Good!!! Through the teeth of the storm Vinatieri split the uprights. New England won the overtime coin toss and Brady methodically marched them down the field. Eight passes, eight completions for Brady including a six-yarder to David Patten on 4th-and-4 from the Oakland 28. Vinatieri finshed off the Raiders with a 23-yard game winner. After the game, Woodson said about the Tuck Rule call: "That's (crap). I feel like it was a (crap) call…I feel like it should have been overturned.” Waaahhh. Waaaahhh. The refs made the right call and Woodson was lucky they missed his illegal head slap on Brady. The Pats moved on to win their first ever Super Bowl victory.

The Oakland Raiders' Top 10 Toughest Losses of All-Time:

Tenth Toughest Loss
Ninth Toughest Loss
Eighth Toughest Loss
Seventh Toughest Loss
Sixth Toughest Loss
Fifth Toughest Loss
Fourth Toughest Loss
Third Toughest Loss
Second Toughest Loss
Toughest Loss

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Super Bowl XXXVII

3) Super Bowl XXXVII: Tampa Bay 48—Oakland 21

With the league’s #1 offense led by league MVP Rich Gannon and a roster loaded with experienced veterans, the Raiders were the consensus favorites to with their fourth Super Bowl. Bitter playoff defeats ended the Raiders’ two previous seasons and the team knew this was probably their last chance for the title given age and looming salary cap considerations. At the end of the previous season, the Raiders allowed their coach, Jon “Chucky” Gruden, to leave for Tampa Bay in exchange for an unprecedented amount of high draft picks and 8 million bucks. A controversial move to be sure but Al Davis looked like a genius as his team advanced to the Super Bowl with new coach Bill Callahan. Unfortunately, the Raiders’ opponent would be the one team that knew their every weakness: the Jon Gruden-coached Tampa Bay Buccaneers. During the game a microphone caught a Bucs linebacker expressing amazement at how everything the Raiders offense ran was a play the Bucs had practiced against during the week. As for Mr. MVP, Rich Gannon played like the journeyman QB he was thought to be prior to his Raider stint. No, that’s being too generous. Gannon carved a special place for himself in the annals of suck (a preview of his broadcasting career). After a slow start, the Bucs cruised to a 20-3 halftime lead, all but ending the game (no team in a Super Bowl has ever come back from that kind of deficit). The Raiders' humiliation continued into the second half as a Gannon INT returned for a touchdown turned the game into a 34-3 laugher. However, a Jerry Porter TD, a blocked punt returned for a TD, and then a bomb to Jerry Rice with 6:41 left closed the gap to 34-21 and gave Raider fans the briefest illusion of hope. But Gannon’s 4th INT, and 2d returned for a TD, shattered that illusion and emphatically ended the dreams of Raider Nation for good. Raider-haters everywhere, most notably Jon Gruden, laughed hysterically as Gannon threw a 5th INT (also returned for a TD—what a surprise) in the final seconds, the final exclamation point on the Bucs victory. Craig Morton, John Elway, Drew Bledsoe, and Kerry Collins especially shared in the good times as Gannon’s last INT erased their 4-interception Super Bowl efforts from the record books. Many speculated that the loss, with Gruden hoisting the Vince Lombardi trophy, would kill off Al Davis yet he remains among the living as of this writing.

The Oakland Raiders' Top 10 Toughest Losses of All-Time:

Tenth Toughest Loss
Ninth Toughest Loss
Eighth Toughest Loss
Seventh Toughest Loss
Sixth Toughest Loss
Fifth Toughest Loss
Fourth Toughest Loss
Third Toughest Loss
Second Toughest Loss
Toughest Loss

Monday, May 28, 2007

1975 AFC Championship Game

4) 1975 AFC Championship Game: Pittsburgh 16—Oakland 10

Ice Bowl II. In the 1970’s, the Steelers/Raiders rivalry was exactly what the Patriots/Colts rivalry is today: the two best teams in the league, battling it out every year for conference supremacy and a shot at the Super Bowl, mixed in with a healthy dose of hate. The 1975 AFC Championship Game would be the 4th consecutive year Pittsburgh and Oakland had met in the playoffs. The Steelers entered as defending Super Bowl champions. The Raiders? Well, the Raiders entered the game as the champions of choke, weighted down by eight long years of frustration. They’d made the playoffs in 7 of the last 8 years, including 6 AFL/AFC championship games, but they had only one Super Bowl appearance and no rings to show for all their “Commitment to Excellence” (gag). Would 1975 be any different? 20 m.p.h hour winds, snow flurries, 16-degree temperatures, and two brutal defenses all but guaranteed a low-scoring game featuring a lot of turnovers and that’s exactly what we got. After three quarters, a Steelers field goal remained the only points scored. But the 4th quarter saw a point explosion: three TD’s in 6 minutes. First, Franco Harris ran 25 yards for a score. Then, Ken Stabler drove his team 60 yards for the Raiders’ first TD. When Oakland got the ball back again, they fumbled, their third of the game, and Jack Lambert recovered at the Oakland 25 to set up the Steelers' final score, a 20-yard pass from Bradshaw to John Stallworth. At 16-7, the Steelers appeared to have the game locked up, attempting to run out the clock on their next possession. But Franco fumbled and the Raiders quickly drove to the Steelers’ 24 with 17 seconds left. Needing two scores to win, Coach John Madden sent in old man Blanda to kick a long FG. It’s good! Now Oakland must recover an onside kick to stay alive. They do! Is it possible? No! With seven seconds left, Ken Stabler takes the snap and hits Cliff Branch for 37 yards to the Steelers’ 15-yard-line but it’s all for naught. The game clock expires before Branch can get out of bounds. One more crushing season-ender for the Raiders. The Steelers win again despite eight turnovers (to Oakland’s five) and the Raiders become the first and so far only team to lose three consecutive AFC Championship games.

The Oakland Raiders' Top 10 Toughest Losses of All-Time:

Tenth Toughest Loss
Ninth Toughest Loss
Eighth Toughest Loss
Seventh Toughest Loss
Sixth Toughest Loss
Fifth Toughest Loss
Fourth Toughest Loss
Third Toughest Loss
Second Toughest Loss
Toughest Loss

Sunday, May 27, 2007

1968 AFL Championship Game

5) 1968 AFL Title Game: New York Jets 27—Oakland 23

Six weeks earlier, the Raiders triumphed in the classic “Heidi Bowl” game. Now the Jets and Raiders would play a rematch in the AFL championship game, the biggest game in the young career of football’s most famous and highly paid player: Joe Willie Namath. The crushing pressure on Namath had really gotten to him by the eve of the game. So how did he deal with it? How else? He went to his bar, “grabbed a girl and a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red and went to the Summit Hotel and stayed in the bed the whole night with the girl and the bottle.” The next morning, about five hours before game time, an off-duty police officer stood at a crosswalk and saw Broadway Joe with a girl on one arm and whiskey bottle in his free hand. Namath looked tired, messy and drunk. The cop knew what he had to do--he “raced to the closest sportsbook he could find and bet everything on the Raiders.” And how’d that work out for him? Well, in a seesaw game Joe Willie played through his hangover and tossed three touchdowns, the final one coming when he hit Don Maynard for a 6-yard touchdown with 7:47. Jets up 27-23. Still, plenty of time remained for a Raiders comeback and Daryle Lamonica, who threw for 401 yards on the day, used that time to drive his team to the New York 12 with just over two minutes remaining. Now it was time for a special play, a play the Raiders had worked on all week for just this type of situation: a quick screen to Charlie Smith. Lamonica blew it though; he floated the ball over Smith's head for an incompletion. Or rather, Lamonica threw what appeared to be an incompletion. In fact it was a lateral, not a pass, meaning the play was still alive. Unfortunately, the only people on the field who realized this wore Kelly green not silver and black. The Raiders stood there flatfooted while Jets linebacker Ralph Baker scooped up the ball and clinched the game for the Jets. The next week, the Jets, not the Raiders, made football history by shocking the Colts and winning the AFL’s first Super Bowl.

All the above quotes came from this "Modern Drunkard Magazine Online article about Namath that I couldn’t possibly recommend more!

The Oakland Raiders' Top 10 Toughest Losses of All-Time:

Tenth Toughest Loss
Ninth Toughest Loss
Eighth Toughest Loss
Seventh Toughest Loss
Sixth Toughest Loss
Fifth Toughest Loss
Fourth Toughest Loss
Third Toughest Loss
Second Toughest Loss
Toughest Loss

Saturday, May 26, 2007

2000 AFC Championship Game

6) 2000 AFC Championship Game: Baltimore 16—Oakland 3

In the second quarter of a scoreless matchup, the Ravens found themselves in some serious trouble. Backed up on their own four-yard-line with crazy foul-mouthed Raider fans screaming all around them, Baltimore’s punchless offense faced a 3d-and-18. The game had turned into a field position battle and all the Ravens had to work with was Trent Dilfer at quarterback. So surely the Raiders defense would play it safe here, force a punt, and take over in good field position right? Wrong! Raiders coach Jon Gruden gambled, ordered a blitz, and thus Trent Dilfer’s short slant pass to Shannon Sharpe turned into a 96-yard touchdown pass, longest pass play in postseason history! Dilfer later admitted he actually threw the ball to the wrong place but Sharpe adjusted, beat Marquez Pope inside, and took it to the house for the game’s first and only touchdown. In typical classy fashion Raider fans tossed beer and ice at Sharpe as he celebrated his score. Sharpe was more than happy to rub Raider Nation’s face in it saying: "I got so sick of hearing about `The Black Hole.' So when we score that touchdown, I just took a shovel and covered up the hole." Sharpe’s TD was all Baltimore needed. A few minutes later, Tony Siragusa knocked Raider QB Rich Gannon to the ground and then bellyflopped his fat ass onto Gannon’s shoulder. Consistent with Newton’s Second Law, the Goose’s blubber accelerating onto Gannon’s glenohumeral joint produced what Mr. T would simply call "Pain. Gannon tried to return to the game but he couldn’t throw and since his backup was the immortal Bobby Hoying, the game was ovah! The NFC champion that year, the New York Giants, was one of the weaker teams to ever make a Super Bowl. Thanks to Gruden's failed gamble and Goose’s gargantuan girth, the Ravens, not the Raiders, moved on to crush the Giants in Super Bowl XXXV.

The Oakland Raiders' Top 10 Toughest Losses of All-Time:

Tenth Toughest Loss
Ninth Toughest Loss
Eighth Toughest Loss
Seventh Toughest Loss
Sixth Toughest Loss
Fifth Toughest Loss
Fourth Toughest Loss
Third Toughest Loss
Second Toughest Loss
Toughest Loss

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Super Bowl II/1977 AFC Championship Game

8) Super Bowl II: Green Bay 33—Oakland 14

After waxing the Chiefs in Super Bowl I, the Green Bay Packers were heavily favored to do the same to the Raiders in Super Bowl II. The Pack had just won their fifth NFL championship in 7 years and they wanted to send Vince Lombardi out a winner one more time in the Super Bowl. Their roster featured 9 future Hall of Famers. On the other hand, the Raiders had some reason for hope. The Packers dynasty was old and just about out of gas. At 9-4-1, they were far from the commanding team of the past and only arctic field conditions allowed them to get by the up-and-coming Cowboys in the NFL title game. Meanwhile, the Raiders had their way with the AFL in 1968: a 13-1 record, an average margin of victory of almost 17 points per game, and a 40-7 demolition of the Oilers in the AFL Championship Game. Oakland had 5 future Hall of Famers of their own, all in their prime (except George Blanda) plus a bunch of other star players including their new QB Daryle Lamonica, the AFL Player of the Year. Unfortunately, hope turned into hopelessness in the Super Bowl. Green Bay methodically took the Raiders apart, the deathblow coming in the 4th quarter when CB Herb Adderly sealed the deal by intercepting a Lamonica pass and returning it 60 yards for a touchdown. If you look at the game stats, Green Bay and Oakland were pretty close in total yards and first downs but Oakland turned it over three times to Green Bay’s none and Daryle Lamonica was no Bart Starr. Another great season wasted.



7) 1977 AFC Championship Game: Denver 20—Oakland 17

The Oakland Raiders: 18 playoff games in 10 years. The Denver Broncos: one playoff game ever and that one had come just the week before. Yes, the defending Super Bowl champions faced off against a true Cinderella team with no postseason experience. The Orange Crush had just one advantage, the home field. Would it matter? Oakland dominated the first half, running 41 plays to Denver’s 19. Dominated everywhere that is but the scoreboard, Denver led 7-3 at the half thanks to a 74-yard pass from Craig Morton to Haven Moses. The score stayed that way until midway through the 3rd quarter. The Raiders fumbled at their own 17, Denver recovered and drove to the Raiders 2-yard-line. Bronco fullback Rob Lytle took a handoff and dove over the pile towards the goal line. Jack Tatum, doing what Jack Tatum did best, blasted Lytle in midair and jarred the ball loose. In the game’s critical moment, DT Mike McCoy scooped it up and ran the other way. With nothing but grass and a stunned Mile High crowd in front of him, McCoy was on his way to score the huge momentum–changing TD the Raiders had to have. But wait! An official blew his whistle. The play was dead. Why? The refs ruled Lytle was down before the fumble. All replays showed that was total bullshit but there was no replay rule at the time. Denver ball and throw in a penalty on the Raiders on top of that for arguing the blown call. Denver scored on the next play. 14-3. Home cooking? Al Davis certainly thought so. But the Raiders did mount a 4th quarter comeback. Ken Stabler hit Dave Casper with a 12-yarder to make it 14-10. Then disaster. A Stabler pick set up an easy Broncos score. But another Stabler to Casper hookup made it 20-17 with three minutes left. Could Oakland’s defense stop Denver to give the Snake a shot at a last-minute comeback? Let’s let Raiders DE Pat Toomay describe what happened next:

Momentum had shifted. You could feel it. Another Raider miracle finish was more than in the cards -- all we had to do was stop them. But we couldn't do it. Repeatedly, the Broncos gobbled up yardage by running off-tackle, straight at [John Matuzak]. Barely able to breathe in Denver's rarefied air, Tooz was more than sluggish. He seemed a count behind in every move. He could barely get out of his stance, much less shed a block. It was painful to watch him. Later, it came out that a hotel employee had tipped the Broncos about Tooz's all night pregame "party." Evidently, the Broncos were exploiting that information now. As the Denver drive continued, our players started getting on Tooz to try to wake him up, but to no avail. Finally, during one timeout, our captain begged our coordinator to get Tooz out. The coordinator, while more than sympathetic, shook his head and nodded toward the press box where Al Davis was sitting. "It ain't gonna happen," he said. And it didn't. Denver ran out the clock. We straggled into the locker room.


So a bad call and Tooz’ partying cost the Raiders a chance for back-to-back Super Bowls. It turned out that Vodka and valium were not in fact the Breakfast of Champions.



The Oakland Raiders' Top 10 Toughest Losses of All-Time:

Tenth Toughest Loss
Ninth Toughest Loss
Eighth Toughest Loss
Seventh Toughest Loss
Sixth Toughest Loss
Fifth Toughest Loss
Fourth Toughest Loss
Third Toughest Loss
Second Toughest Loss
Toughest Loss

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Oakland Raiders' Top 10 Toughest Losses

I Hate The Oakland Raiders

It’s true. I hate them. For years my favorite team, the Miami Dolphins, got their brains regularly beat in by the Raiders, even when the Dolphins were really really good. At one point, the Raiders led the all-time series 14-3-1. I still vividly remember the worst loss of them all, the 1974 divisional playoff game when the Raiders came from behind on a sick flukey last-second Stabler TD pass to beat Miami 28-26 and end the Dolphin Dynasty for good. I still remember how pissed off I was in 1976 when a phantom pass-interference call gave a seemingly beaten Raiders team an undeserved second chance in a playoff game against the Patriots. Of course Oakland took advantage of it and went on to win their first Super Bowl that year. Injustice! They were lucky, they kicked Miami’s ass all the time, and they had that annoying “Bad Boy” image personified by their safeties: cheap-shot artists George Atkinson and Jack “They Call Me Assassin” Tatum. Basically, they were a bunch of dirty cheating bastards and I hated them.

Actually, at this point “hated” is probably the more appropriate word than “hate”. I just can’t muster up the kind of hatred for the Raiders that once came so naturally. Since their enjoyable humiliation in Super Bowl XXXVII they’ve been so pathetic that all I feel is pity. Man they suck. Best of all, Miami’s beaten Oakland 8 of the last 9 times so all Dolphin fans now look forward to playing the Raiduhs. Art Shell was the only coach who could make Dave Wannstedt look like a genius. And what NFL fan doesn't love those repeated shots of befuddled Raiders’ owner Al Davis in the booth in his tracksuit at every game? Priceless. However, in honor of my once white-hot hatred for the Oakland Raiders, I will present my Top 10 list of the Raiders all-time most heartbreaking defeats. Here’s numbers 9 and 10 to start off with. Enjoy. (Years listed refer to the particular NFL season not necessarily the year in which the actual game was played).



10) 1985 Divisional Playoff: New England 27-Los Angeles Raiders 20

The Raiders finished the 1985 regular season with the AFC’s best record. The team was loaded with stars: MVP Marcus Allen, experienced All-Pros like Howie Long, Mike Haynes, and Todd Christiansen, and they were heavily favored to beat the wild-card New England Patriots. The Pats jumped out to an early 7-0 lead, set up by backup safety Jim Bowman’s recovery of a fumbled Raider punt return. The Raiders then took control and scored the next 17 points. The Patriots rallied and eventually tied the game at 20 with a 3rd quarter field goal. Then, on a kickoff return, Mosi Tatupu blasted the Raiders’ Sam Seale, Seale fumbled, and the ball rolled toward the end zone where the man of the hour, Jim Bowman, fell on it for what proved to be the winning touchdown. Six turnovers by the Raiders cost them the game and their last best chance at a Super Bowl for over a decade. After the game, Patriots GM Pat Sullivan said: "Let me tell you something…We're just getting back for Jack Tatum and all the other crap that this football team has put on our football team for 12 years. This is the greatest moment in our lives." You tell 'em Pat! The best part of this game for me was that one of my college roommates was a huge Raider fan. After the Raiders’ last drive ended and defeat was assured, he threw his shoe through the sliding glass door of his apartment. He must have sensed that the door had just slammed shut on the Raiders era. That's a shame.




9) 1969 AFL Championship Game: Kansas City 17-Oakland Raiders 7

The Raiders had every reason to believe they’d win the last AFL game ever played and move on to the Super Bowl. Oakland went 12-1-1, won their third straight division title, beat the Houston Oilers 56-7 in the first round of the playoffs, and not only had the Raiders swept the regular season series with the Chiefs, they’d crushed the Chiefs 41-6 in last year’s playoffs. The Raiders were so ultra-confident that the players brought their luggage to the game in preparation for a post-game trip to New Orleans, site of Super Bowl IV. It looked a wise move early when they jumped out to a 7-0 lead but in the 2d quarter, after 7 straight incompletions, Chiefs QB Len Dawson hit Frank Pitts for 41 yards to set up the tying TD. In the 3rd quarter KC found themselves with a 3rd-and-14 at their own 2-yard line. A 35-yard pass to Otis Taylor kept the drive alive and the Chiefs eventually drove the rest of the way to take their first lead of the day. The Chiefs tried to give the game away in the 4th quarter by turning it over three times inside their own 30 but Raider QB Daryle Lamonica returned the favor each time with an interception. Kansas City won 17-7 and the Raiders had to leave their own stadium with the now-useless luggage they’d packed for the Big Easy. It’s amazing what I found out in researching this post. The Raiders put up an incredible 37-4-1 regular season mark from 1967 to 1969, but they couldn’t win a single Super Bowl.


The Oakland Raiders' Top 10 Toughest Losses of All-Time:

Tenth Toughest Loss
Ninth Toughest Loss
Eighth Toughest Loss
Seventh Toughest Loss
Sixth Toughest Loss
Fifth Toughest Loss
Fourth Toughest Loss
Third Toughest Loss
Second Toughest Loss
Toughest Loss

Monday, May 21, 2007

The 1967 Baltimore Colts

Fact: The Baltimore Colts finished with the NFL’s best record in 1967 yet failed to make the playoffs.

Impossible you say? Au contraire my friend. Actually the Colts and the Los Angeles Rams tied for the league’s best record in 1967, each team finishing 11-1-2. Before 1967, the NFL divided itself into Eastern and Western Conferences with each conference winner playing each other for the NFL championship. If two teams finished tied for the best conference record, then a tiebreaker game was played to determine the conference champ. That actually happened to the Colts in 1965. They and the Green Bay Packers finished with 10-3-1 marks and had to play in a tiebreaker game for the right to meet the Eastern Conference champion (the Pack prevailed 13-10 in OT and then beat the Browns the following week for the NFL title).

All that changed in 1967. The NFL added a 16th franchise, the Atlanta Falcons, and the league split into four divisions, the unforgettably named Century, Capital, Coastal, and Central divisions. Each division winner made the playoffs. No wild cards. Before 1967, the Colts and Rams would have played for the conference crown. Now, the Coastal division winner had to be determined by a tiebreaker rule. The Colts and Rams played twice in 1967. They tied once. The Rams won the other matchup. So the Rams won the tiebreaker and the Colts stayed home despite tying the Rams for the league’s best record (for some reason combined point differential in the head-to-head matchups was the tiebreaker rather than head-to-head record).

Four notes about this unusual occurrence:

1) The Rams and Colts were clearly the two best teams in the league. Besides their records, the Rams led the league in point scored (398) and points allowed (196), while the Colts were right behind them in each category (394-198). Compare those teams’ points scored to points allowed differential (+202, +196) to the league’s three other division winners, the Packers (+123), the Cowboys (+74), and the Browns (+37).

2) While they didn’t meet in the postseason, as it turned out the Colts and Rams did play to determine the Coastal division winner. They faced each other in the final game of the regular season knowing the division title was on the line. The Rams were 10-1-2 and the Colts were 11-0-2. Yes, the Colts entered the final week of the regular season undefeated! They led 7-3 after one quarter, but the Rams came back to crush them 34-10, sacking NFL MVP Johnny Unitas 7 times in the process. Other than the 1972 Dolphins, the 1967 Baltimore Colts are the only team in the Super Bowl era that hadn’t lost a game going into the season’s final week. That week 14 loss to the Rams didn’t just cost them a playoff spot; it cost them a shot at an undefeated season.

3) As you may know, many consider the 1968 Baltimore Colts to be the greatest team never to win a Super Bowl. The Colts went 13-1 that year and were absolutely dominant all the way up to Super Bowl III where they, along with the rest of the world, were shocked by the New York Jets. So in 1967 and 1968 the Colts lost a combined two regular season games, yet failed to win a single Super Bowl. The only other team to lose as few as two games in two years, the 1972-1973 Dolphins, won two Super Bowls. (The 1985-1986 Bears lost three regular season games in 16-game seasons and won one Super Bowl). The 1968 Colts loss in the Super Bowl was such an incredible upset that I think its obliterated memories of the 1967 Colts’ choke job against the Rams. No one ever talks about how the Colts blew an undefeated season in their last game.

4) Had the NFL kept the old alignment rather than split into four divisions in 1967, the Rams and Colts would have played for the Western Conference title and the 9-4-1 Green Bay Packers would have stayed at home. The change allowed the Pack to win the new Central division and go on to an unprecedented third-straight NFL championship and a second Super Bowl win in Vince Lombardi’s final season.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Jamal Lewis

The Cleveland Browns start the year with a new running back, Jamal Lewis. Since 2000, Lewis has been the starting back for the Browns' division rival, the Baltimore Ravens. Last year Cleveland used Reuben Droughns as their main back and he only rushed for 758 yards on 220 carries. Is Lewis an upgrade? Will Baltimore regret letting their longtime RB play for a division rival? Should you draft Lewis in a fantasy football league? Let's look at Lewis' career production (he missed 2001 with an injury).

yearscarriesyardsYPC
200030913644.3
200230813274.3
200338720065.3
200423510064.3
20052699063.4
200631411323.6


Clearly Lewis has played badly over the last two seasons, at least if you compare his Yards Per Carry to what he'd done previously. Do we blame Lewis? Or could it be his team's offensive line? Let's examine the combined numbers for all other Baltimore running backs in that time:

yearscarriesyardsYPC
20001546274.1
2002471803.8
2003913864.2
20042008314.2
20051285084.0
2006873864.4


Well, acknowledging that some of the sample sizes are small, it sure looks like Lewis was much better than the other backs on his team each year through 2004. And some of those backs were good (Priest Holmes in 2000 and Chester Taylor in 2004). Afer that, Lewis was far worse than his team's other backs. Lewis averaged 4.7 YPC from 2000-2004 and 3.5 YPC from 2005-2006. While Lewis suffered this huge drop-off, the rest of the team's backs remained ultra-consistent despite the changing cast of characters. The Ravens'other backs averaged 4.1 YPC from 2000-2004 and 4.2 YPC from 2005-2006. I'd say Lewis was the problem. My own observations of last year's Colts-Ravens playoff game also lead me to conclude Lewis is finished, washed-up, done, obsolete, a shell of his former self.

The man Lewis is replacing, Rueben Droughns, averaged only 3.4 YPC for the Browns last year. Could Lewis at least be an upgrade over that? Not so fast. The rest of the Browns backs ran for 265 yards on 93 carries, an atrocious 2.9 YPC. So Droughns was actually half a yard better than the other backs on his team! Now by drafting Joe Thomas and signing Eric Steinbach the Browns are hoping for a much-improved o-line in 2007, but it'd have to improve by a lot just to be equal to Baltimore's line in 2006. I wouldn't be too optimistic about Lewis this year. The Browns might be planning for him to carry the ball 300 times, but I think there's a good chance he'll be benched at some point during the season.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Bizarros

The Bizarro World. A backwards world the exact opposite of our own. A place where an imperfect duplicate of each of us resides. On the Bizarro World, Up is Down and Down is Up. Our backwards doppelgangers say "Hello" when they leave and "Good bye" when they arrive. Everything is the opposite. For example, on our world NFL General Managers strive to improve their teams by trading for draft picks and quality players in exchange for expendable talent. The best GM’s, a Bill Polian, a Ron Wolf, or a Don Klosterman, do this effortlessly. On the Bizzaro World, their imperfect duplicates do the opposite, getting rid of good players and high draft picks in exchange for disappointing players who will do little for their new team. Some say the Bizzaro World is just a fictional place to be found only in the pages of Superman comics. Perhaps. But allow me to point out at least two Bizarro General Managers who actually exist and live in our world. And for five years, these creatures actually possessed complete control over the personnel decisions of a professional NFL franchise. The names of these Bizarros: Dave Wannstedt and Rick Spielman. Don’t believe me? Check out this series of moves they turned in from 2001 and 2003:

2001: MIA blows a first round pick on CB Jamar Fletcher. Spielman reportedly wanted to draft Drew Brees but Wanny, still believing Jay Fiedler to be Marino's worthy sucessor, overruled him. The frequently burned Fletcher was a huge disappointment in his Dolphin tenure.

2002: MIA trades two 1st round picks plus a 3rd rounder for Ricky WIlliams. Now this move looked pretty good for awhile as Ricky was great in 2002 and ok in 2003. However, Ricky's long strange trip had just begun. In 2004, the world discovered that he was a head case of epic proportions as well an afficionado of the hippie lettuce. Ricky's quitting in 2004 (to avoid failing a drug test) played a big part in the Dolphins' 2004 collapse. (And Wannstedt's giving Ricky 775 total carries in two years also probably didn't help Ricky's desire to return either). Ricky contributed some in 2005, but it looks like the ganja monkey on his back has ended his career. So two plus years of Ricky, no playoff appearances, the loss of all those picks, and the collpase of the franchise in 2004 means the verdict is in on the trade: disaster.

2003: MIA spends its highest pick left, a 2nd rounder, on OLB Eddie Moore. The constantly injured Moore stunk when healthy, played in only 18 games, and was wavied in 2006. Spielman wanted to draft Anquan Boldin but Wannstedt overruled him

Other than Chris Chambers and wife-beatin’ Randy McMichael, none of the Wannstedt/Spielman drafts produced much in the way of talent though I’ve only highlighted the top picks. Anyway, by the end of 2003 H. Wayne had had enough. He stripped Wannstedt of his power over player personnel in 2004 (I wonder why) and gave it to Spielman, who was made GM (I wonder why. No, really I do. Does anybody know?). Spielman celebrated his promotion by going into Bizzaro-overdrive, let's just call it Bizzarodrive, and executed these magnificent trades in 2004:

1) A 2nd round pick for Eagles QB A.J. Feely. Possibly the worst trade in team history. Feely had started four whole games in his three-year career. Needless to say, Feely was not the answer at QB. He wasn't even good enough to be a backup.

2) Jamar Fletcher and a 6th rounder for David Boston. Fletcher wasn't any good, but at least he's still playing. Boston blew out his knee racing for an overthrown Jay Fielder pass in practice and didn't play in 2004. The one bright side of the devastating injury was that Boston didn't have to serve a four-game suspension for steroid use after all. The Dolphins cut him, resigned him, and he caught five whole passes for them in 2005 before tearing still more knee ligaments. He hasn't played since.

3) A 4th rounder to Minnesota to move up in the first to take T Vernon Carey. Carey appears to be yet another first-round bust. Miami could have just stayed put and taken UM nose tackle Vince Wilfork, but instead as a Patriot Wilfork now gets to terrorize the Dolphins twice a year. Miami actually had Wilfork ranked higher than Carey on their draft board but they needed a O-lineman to replace their 2000 1st-round pick Todd Wade who let get away in free agency.

4) Adawale Ogunleye and a 6th rounder to CHI for WR Marty Booker. Booker's a good receiver, though wasted in the Dolphins' putrid offense, but Ogunleye was one of the team's best defensive players and resigning him would not have cost them that much more than what they paid Booker.

5) A 3rd round pick to STL for RB Lamar Gordon. The Rams probably would have released Gordon eventually but Spielman just couldn't wait. Gordon played in three games for Miami, averaged 1.8 yards a carry, and then suffered a season-ending injury. He's out of football now.

I don’t believe any humans could have purposely made this many bad deals in such a short time, thus my Bizarro theory. After a 1-8 start, Wannstedt resigned as head coach during the 2004 season and Huizenga broke out the Blue Kryptonite on Spielman after the season. Me so happy. But for five years Bizarro Dave and Bizarro Rick were actually given the keys to an NFL franchise. And they drove it into the ground.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Joe Thomas: The Architect of the 1972 Miami Dolphins

Imagine if you will, a general manager of an NFL franchise who negotiates shrewdly, spots opportunities others miss, and superbly evaluates football talent. And imagining such a creature is all you could have been doing if you've been a fan of the Miami Dolphins this decade. Yet, once upon a time the Dolphins actually had such a person in charge of the organization. His name was Joe Thomas and the moves he made as Dolphins' GM from 1967 to 1970 rival anything any GM has ever done in NFL history. Submitted for your approval, Joe Thomas’ major trades (Pay particular attention to the bolded names):

1967
1) QB John Stofa to Cincinnati for 1st and 2nd round picks in 1968. 1st round pick used to take OT Doug Crusan.

2) QB Jon Brittenum to San Diego for 3rd round pick in 1968. Pick used to take Dick Anderson.

1969
2) LB John Bramlett, QB Kim Hammond and 5th round pick to Patriots for LB Nick Buoniconti

3) CB Mack Lamb to San Diego for G Larry Little

1970
4) 1st round pick in 1970 to Cleveland for WR Paul Warfield

5) WR Jack Clancy to Green Bay for TE Marv Fleming

As you may have noticed, the bolded names are current members of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Five trades. Three Hall of Famers (Three!), plus a two-time All-Pro in Anderson and two long-time contributors in Crusan and Fleming. As great as Don Klosterman’s moves were for the Rams, none of his deals netted even one Hall of Famer. And what did Thomas have to give up in exchange for his haul? Not much. Apparently professional football teams back in the day just enjoyed handing out Hall of Famers for nothing. “Just take them. What possible use could we have for them?” A quick look at the flotsam Miami parted with:

Stofa--The Patriots’ quickly tired of his awful play and he was back in a Miami uniform just a year later.
Bramlett--Was a Pro Bowler for Miami in 1968. Gave the Patriots two seasons and was out of the league after half a season more with Atlanta.
Brittenum--One season with the Chargers, threw 17 passes, and never played again.
Hammond—Three games with the Pats and done.
Lamb—Never played again.
Clancy—One season with the Pack, caught 16 balls, and never played again.

The only real loss was that #1 pick for Warfield. Miami’s crappy 1969 season, their final one before the coming of the Don, earned the overall third pick of the draft. But even losing that to Cleveland wound up working to Miami’s benefit. You see, the Browns used that draft pick to select their quarterback of the future, Mike Phipps, and in 1972 that future arrived. Phipps and his wild-card Browns matched up against the undefeated Dolphins in the first round of the 1972 playoffs. Cleveland gave Miami all they could handle, even taking a 14-13 lead in the 4th quarter. Luckily, Miami mounted a comeback and a late Phipps interception sealed the 20-14 victory. Phipps threw five, count ‘em five, freaking picks that day, giving away the game and keeping the perfect season alive. With perfect symmetry, if not irony, Phipps played the goat for the Browns while the man Cleveland traded to get Phipps, Paul Warfield, took the hero’s role for Miami on their winning TD drive, catching 50 yards worth of passes and drawing a key pass interference penalty to set up the score.

Thomas didn’t just make great trades. He also drafted QB Bob Griese, RB Larry Csonka, DE Bill Stanfill (two-time All-Pro), S Jake Scott (two-time All Pro), RB Mercury Morris (three Pro Bowls), RB Jim Kiick (two Pro Bowls) and DB Tim Foley (one Pro Bowl). He also signed C Jim Langer and OG Bob Kuechenberg (two-time All Pro) as free agents. 21 of the 22 starters on the 1972 Dolphins were players acquired by Joe Thomas. Don Shula molded those players into one of the greatest teams of all time. But Joe Thomas was the guy who built that team.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

The Duke of Del Rey

Don Klosterman served as General Manager for the Los Angeles Rams from 1972 through the early '80's. Before that he worked for the Oilers, Chargers, Chiefs, and Colts. Those facts, and the sum total of everything else I know about the late Mr. Klosterman, including the fact that his nickname was "The Duke of Del Rey", are to be found at this nice tribute page to the man.

I bring up Mr. Klosterman because in the course of doing the research for my previous post I discovered something interesting about him: the guy was some kind of super football genius! The series of trades he pulled off between 1973 and 1976 have to rank as some of the greatest in NFL history. It's really incredible once you take a close look at his moves.

In 1973, Klosterman traded away DL Coy Bacon and RB Bob Thomas to the Chargers for our boy: QB John Hadl. Now the Rams already had a QB, Roman Gabriel, "The World's Biggest Filipino", and he was none too happy about losing his job. So the Rams traded the now-expendable Gabriel to the Eagles for WR Harold Jackson, RB Tony Baker, two 1st-round picks, and a 3rd-rounder. Jackpot. With the three draft picks, Klosterman took RB John "Something for Joey" Cappeletti, OT Dennis Harrah, and TE Dan Nugent. Baker and Nugent were pretty much busts and Cappeletti was a solid, but disappointing, contributor for 5 seasons. But Harrah made 6 Pro Bowls and Jackson was one of the best receivers of the '70's. I think when he retired he was second on the all-time receiving yards list. Now Gabriel played great for the Eagles in 1973, winning comeback player of the year honors. But who cared when Hadl has his best season ever, won the NFC Player of the Year award, and led the Rams to a 12-2 record and their first division title in 4 years? As we know from my brilliant "Worst Trade Ever" post, Hadl hit the wall after that last hurrah so the Rams wisely jettisoned his ass to the frozen tundra of Green Bay in '74. Klosterman managed to sucker the Pack out of two 1st round picks, two 2nd round picks, and a 3rd round pick for a guy the Rams benched. And Klosterman made the most of those picks, drafting DT Mike Fanning (solid 10-year vet), DB Monte Jackson (two-time Pro Bowler), DB Pat Thomas (two-time All Pro) and C Geoff Reece. In 1976, the Rams they traded Reece, a bust, for a 2d round pick they used to take for DB Nolan Cromwell (four-time Pro Bowler), and they traded away their other 1st-rounder for WR Ron Jessie (one-time Pro Bowler).

What did the Rams really lose in getting all these Pro Bowl players? Hadl made Rams fans forget Gabriel in 1973 and both guys were done after that. Bob Thomas never did anything after his trade either. Coy Bacon played 9 more seasons and earned Pro Bowl honors twice in that span so the Rams did lose one good player.

The final tally:

Lost: Coy Bacon
Acquired: Harold Jackson, Dennis Harrah, Monte Jackson, Pat Thomas, Nolan Cromwell, Ron Jessie and Mike Fanning.

Don Klosterman gave up one good player to get seven good players. Like I said, a super football genius!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Worst Trade Ever

It all depends on whose side you're on. The worst trade ever for one team is naturally going to be the best damn trade ever for the other team. So let's call this The Most Lopsided Trade of All Time.

If asked, many knowledgeable NFL fans would go with the infamous Herschel Walker trade. On Oct. 12, 1989, the Vikings gave the Cowboys five players, six conditional draft choices and a 1992 first-round pick, in exchange for Walker and a 4th round pick. Ultimately, after all their wheeling and dealing was done, Dallas essentially wound up with Emmitt Smith, Darren Woodson, Russell Maryland, Kevin Smith, and Clayton Holmes. Minnesota ended up with Walker and Jake Reed. Walker played 2.5 seasons for Minnesota, he was ok but not great, and the team did not improve. The guys Dallas got of course helped them win three Super Bowls. So Minnesota got smoked but I'd say the deal was at least somewhat defensible. Minnesota was a playoff team with mediocre running backs and Walker was coming off two fine seasons at the time of the deal. The Vikings could reasonably believe they were one good RB away from the Super Bowl and that Walker might be that back. He wasn't but it's not like the coach changed his offense around to feature him. After all, why the hell would you want to do that with the guy you just sacrificed your team's future for? At least Herschel gave them some production while Jake Reed had several very good years for them.

Probably the other most famous lopsided NFL trade was in 1983 when the Colts traded John Elway to Denver in exchange for QB Mark Hermann, OT Chris Hinton and a 1984 1st-rounder which Indy used to take G Ron Solt. Okay, trading away a future all-time great pretty much guarantees disaster but look it at from the Colts point of view. Elway said he wouldn't play for them, he was going to go play baseball. The Colts didn't have much choice after Elway, setting the stage for Eli Manning two decades later, stamped his tiny feet and threatened to take his ball and go home if he didn't get dealt. The Colts salvaged something out of the pick at least. Hinton was a 5-time all-pro and Solt had a solid 9-year career (Hermann was a bust).

To me, neither of those trades compares with my candidate for the Most Lopsided Trade of All Time. My choice was totally indefensible at the time it was made and the team that made it didn't get jack out of it. Seven games into the 1974 season, the Green Packers gave up two 1st round picks, two second round picks, and a third round pick to the Rams in exchange for QB John Hadl. Now Hadl was coming off his best season but he was 34 and playing absolutely horribly at the time of the trade. He continued to play horribly after the trade and in 1975 he threw 6 TD's and 21 INT's and was gone after the season. A complete bust for the Pack. On the other hand, with the 1975 picks they received the Rams got DT Mike Fanning (solid 10-year vet), DB Monte Jackson (two-time Pro Bowler), and C Geoff Reece who they traded the next year for a 2d round pick they used to take for DB Nolan Cromwell (four-time Pro Bowler). In 1976, they got DB Pat Thomas (two-time All Pro), and traded away the first rounder for WR Ron Jessie (who made a Pro Bowl with the Rams). The Rams got 5 high-quality players who helped them their division for the next 5 years straight. The Pack got a washed-up quarterback.

To this day nobody has anybody what Dan Devine was thinking (or smoking) when he made that deal. Green Bay was a below average team with lots of holes, holes they couldn't possibly fill by trading away all those picks. Hadl was 34 years old and the Rams had already benched him at time of the deal. And you give up FIVE high picks for him?!?!?! That, is the worst, the stupidest, the most lopsided trade of all time.

Often times, bad deals have further repurcussions that make the initial deal even worse than it already was. To try to mitigate some of the damage and replace some of the lost picks, after the '74 season the Pack traded away LB Ted Hendricks to the Raiders for two first round picks. The Packers used them to snag DL Ezra Johnson (who had a solid career) and T Mike Koncar (a bust). Meanwhile, Hendricks played 9 more years, made 4 Pro Bowls with the Raiders, played on 3 Championship teams, and went on to the Hall of Fame.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

No Moss

I'm not convinced that getting Randy Moss is the huge coup for the Patriots that most people seem to think it is. The guy's 30 now and hasn't had a great season in years. (And I do happen to think Miami actually got the better of the Pats in the Welker deal though we'll have to wait and see how good Satele is). Even if Moss can still turn on those mad skillz, can the Pats really count on him? Moss is a head case, he's admitted that he only plays when he wants to play, he's walked off the field before a game was over, and he pretty much quit on his team the last two years. I'm not ready to just hand New England the Lombardi trophy yet. Of course they'll be better than Miami, we all know that. And yeah, I'm not crazy about Miami's free agent moves. They need to blow the whole thing up and get younger so signing guys like David Martin, Joey Porter, and The Schles don't make a whole lot of sense in toto (you heard me). I was against the idea of signing Trent Green, but now that they've got Beck I guess it's no big deal since Green would just be a place holder until Cam thinks Beck's ready.

You know the Moss thing reminded me of this SI article naming the all-time best first-round draft picks at each draft position. They've got Moss as the all-time best 21st pick. Clearly his stats blow away the numbers of his fellow former 21st draft pick Lynn Swann, but I would take Swann any day over The Freak. Nobody ever accused Lynn Swann of not giving it his all, or not running out his routes, or not laying out for a block or a tough catch over the middle. A vicious hit from Jack Tatum in the 1975 AFC Title Game gave Swann a concussion but he shook it off two weeks later to be the MVP of Super Bowl. Swann delivered in 3 Super Bowls and has got to be considered as one of the NFL’s all-time big-game performers. Sure his numbers leave a little to be desired (thanks to his playing for a running team in a running era), but Swann was great especially at crunch time (I’m speaking of football only of course. He sucks as an announcer and unlike the Hall of Fame, Pennsylvania voters resoundingly rejected his ass).

BTW, check out this excerpt from an interview with Belichick biographer the late David Halberstam:

JM: You mentioned ego. Tell me about that in the context of Belichick.
DH: If Bill could get Randy Moss or Terrell Owens for $1.5 million a year, he would not do it. If one player takes up too much oxygen, it is not good. He looks for players who accept the concept of team. Bill, himself, has a tremendous ego, but it manifests itself in the concept of team. He learned from his father and other mentors that the team depends on him to lead them. He takes this responsibility very seriously.

Where's your messiah now Halberstam?

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Brady Quinn & Wes Welker: signs of the apocalypse continuing with the Cameron "Era"?

The Dolphins' offseason roster moves have been fascinating. As an accident scene is to a rubbernecker. I'd love to see the guys we've signed work out brilliantly for us. But I'd also love to see TV shows resurrect all the beloved characters they've killed off, rock and R&B stars from "my era" get Top 40 radio airplay and make the charts today, and to hit those sweet six lottery numbers so I won't have to work anymore. I don't see them things happenin' neither.

Like my friend Rob and other long-suffering Dolfans, I too have begun rationalizing that the Dolphin "braintrust" knew something about BQ that the rest of the football world didn't, and that John Beck can turn out to be "our Roethlisberger" (sans motorcycle crashes please). But in light of Cam and Company's (C&C) pre-draft choices, the smart money says we're kidding ourselves and we simply have a different set of lunatics running our asylum.

I've been comparing our deals to those of a team that actually knows what it's doing: the New England Patriots, who of course are a) our divison rivals and b) way better than us. Since the '06 season ended, they've added Donte Stallworth, Randy Moss, Adalius Thomas, Wes Welker, Tory James, Sammy Morris, Kelley Washington, and Kyle Brady. In contrast, Miami has reached out to Joey Porter, David Martin, Mike Rosenthal, Cory Schlesinger, Jesse Chatman, Kelly Campbell, Az-Zahir Hakim, and Gibran Hamdan. Not listed is Trent Green, the 38-year old vet who C&C seem smitten with but who cannot possibly be a long-term answer for our honkin' QB woes.

Welker and Morris, of course, were with us last year. Losing a guy like Welker breaks my heart. As fellow blogger Rob notes, his return numbers and YPC slipped last year. But he gives 100% and catches everything thrown to him. Even if it's thrown to him well behind the first-down marker. A guy fans and teammates love. Sammy is an underrated runner and receiver who I suspect will burn us like Heath Evans did when NE scooped him up from us in '05.

As for the other new Patriots, Stallworth may be a pain in the ass but is among best WRs around. Moss virtually defines "pain in the ass," but if he wants to he can still be awesome. Welker will replace or complement the possession skills NE long received from Troy Brown, who may not be asked back for '07. Washington flew under the radar in Cincinnati because they are/were loaded with WR talent. It appears we tried for Stallworth and Washington but were outmaneuvered both times. Crap! Now: "howboutthemnewDolphins!" Well...Az-Z hasn't been effective since he was with the Rams in 1826. Campbell has been hurt or cut the past two years. Ditto Chatman, who looked good as San Diego's backup RB before mysteriously getting cut before the '05 season. I always root for older guys to relive past glories, and I rooted for "the Schles" all through his career with Detroit. But he's 34 now and has only five carries since 2003. Martin is an OK 2nd or 3rd TE. Too bad he's replacing Randy McMichael, one of the most consistent starting TEs of the past few years and a guy we had no business letting go.

Our best addition, by far, looks to be Joey Porter. I loved him as a Steeler. But even here the Pats seem to have outdone us by nabbing Adalius Thomas, who is a year younger and had better numbers last year: 11 sacks to Porter's 7 and 83 tackles to Joey's 55.

Need another slap in the face? USA Today's Sports Weekly rated the Patriots' draft an A, while Miami's got a C-. With the Quinn fiasco, I'm surprised we rated that well. In light of the above, I don't see where we had the wiggle room to take risks. I hope I'm wrong. Or, to paraphrase the recently-departed soul singer Luther Ingram, if thinking the Fins are screwed is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Worst Pick Ever

Who's the worst draft pick of all time? If you polled football fans I suspect Ryan Leaf would get the most votes. Probably for these reasons:

1) Picking Leaf didn't just waste the second overall pick in the 1998 draft, but his team gave up a bunch of other picks to move into that spot, not to mention all the money tied up in Leaf's huge signing bonus and the cap hit they took by releasing him just two years later.
2) Leaf's horrible play and off-the-field meltdowns completely embarrassed the Chargers organization (while providing much-needed amusment for the rest of the country).
3) Leaf's failure at the critical QB position, along with the loss of draft picks and money tied up in Leaf, set his team back for years.

As Linus said to Lucy in A Charlie Brown Christmas: "Those are very good reasons".

The big problem with saying Leaf's the worst pick ever is that nobody thought it was a bad pick at the time. Yeah, it's obvious now he stunk but at the time Mel Kiper and everybody else applauded the move, Charger fans were thrilled, and a lot of experts thought Leaf was going to be better than Peyton Manning. The results of the pick were disastrous but the Chargers didn't necessarily do anything stupid. It just didn't work out.

Now the worst Miami Dolphins' draft pick of all time is a different story. The guy wasn't a QB, he didn't really embarrass anybody (except possibly himself) and at the time he didn't cost Miami anything more than a mid-first rounder. But everybody ripped the pick when it was made and ultimately it may have been even more costly to the Dolphins than the Leaf pick was to the Chargers. Of course I'm talking about...ERIC KUMEROW!

I still remember watching the 1988 draft on ESPN and hearing how shocked everybody was. I still remember the surprised Chris Berman informing us how this was the first "reach" of the draft (something you never want to hear said about your favorite team's pick), and I still remember Mel Kiper ripping the Phins for passing up much higher-ranked players in favor of Kumerow, a guy considered too small for a defensive lineman and too slow for a linebacker. In fact, before the draft Kiper described Kumerow as an "outstanding collegiate player who could have a tough time finding his niche in the NFL. He's not strong enough yet to make the grade at defensive end and lacks the quickness necessary to cover the pass. He would be a decent middle-round pick, but would qualify as a reach if selected any higher." Were truer words ever spoken? Yet, somehow Kumerow's "potential" stirred a schoolgirl crush within the swooning Don Shula and the winningest coach of all time threw caution to the winds to take his man.

Now Miami had two major needs that year: a pass rusher and, as usual, a running back. Like Brady Quinn this year, in 1988 the story of the first round was a guy pencilled in as a top 10 pick but who kept getting unexpectedly passed up by team after team instead. Miami was one of those teams, letting Thurman Thomas slip past them and into the arms of a grateful division rival, the Buffalo Bills. (I've always thought that one of the big reasons Thomas dropped all the way to 40 was because the Dolphins passed on him at 16. Everybody else must have thought: "Wow, the pathetic Dolphins are desperate for a back yet they still didn't take him. Something must really be wrong with the dude").

The Bills snapped Thomas up early in the 2d round and he made Miami pay for it for the next decade as Buffalo became the AFC's dominant team. Between 1990 and 1995, Buffalo eliminated Miami from the playoffs three times. In those three games Thomas rushed for 371 yards, added 150 more yards receiving, and scored 4 TD's. And that's not counting all of the regular season games where Buffalo dominated Miami twice every freaking year. Meanwhile, Miami got no pass rush or anything else from Kumerow. He had all of 5 sacks and started a big fat 0 games in his 3 seasons. Pure suckitude.

So not only did Kumerow suck, not only did Miami reach for him, blowing a first round pick on him when they could have gotten him much later in the draft, but they let a Hall of Famer slip through their hands, a Hall of Famer who killed them over and over again for years. That my friends, is the worst draft pick in Miami Dolphins history.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

The Boy

If you hadn't heard, washed up former Culture Club frontperson Boy George finds himself in a spot of trouble. Allegedly, the Boy invited a male escort over ("to pose") and then the Boy and another man grabbed the guy and chained him to the wall. Anyway, the thing that elevates this Daily Mail article from mere tabloid trash to maliciously bitchy work of genius is this sentence:

"He alleges that Boy George, whose hits include Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?, produced a box of whips and sex toys and told him: “Now you’ll get what you deserve.”

As the Guinness people like to say, I find the use of that song title in that line to be Brilliant! Now a question. Could this story be improved upon by substituting another artist associated with an even more appropos song title? Maybe an actor and a movie title?

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Wither Welker

One thing I am getting effing sick of seeing about the Dolphins draft: all the idiot comments along the lines of "Why'd the Fins let their kick returner go if they were just going to turn around and spend their number one pick on another one? What a train wreck!" Look at the numbers you nameless losers in whose mouths I have just put words! Last year, Welker ranked 28th in kick return average and 14th in punt return average. He had zero return TD's, only 2 kick returns over 40 yards, and only 1 punt return over 20 yards. As a receiver he scored just one TD and averaged only 10.3 ypc. I like the guy and appreciated the effort he gave, but he was in no way, shape or form a gamebreaker! Got it?! Ginn >>>Welker. That is all.

Thinking Like Cameron

Ok, while I was on the phone with my brother after the Ginn pick and we had stopped screaming at our TV's, it became necessary for sanity's sake to try to come up with some sort of logical explanation for the pick. Clearly quarterback was Miami's number one need. And clearly Cameron, not being an obvious moron, must have carefully and painstakingly evaluated the only projected first round QB that might still be available to Miami. Conclusion: Cameron must think Quinn stinks. Or at least he doesn't think Quinn will be able to effectively run his offense. The best of the rest of the QB's were not projected to go until the 2d round and Miami had a high 2d round pick. Conclusion: Cameron (and Mueller) thought they could wait until the next round to pick up a quality QB.

Alright, so why Ginn in the 1st? We know offense is the priority, we're waiting on a QB, and we're set with Ronnie Brown at RB, so reciever is the way to go here. And Ginn, while not extraordinarily productive in college, is not just a speedy wideout, but a tremendous kick returner as well. And Miami's already lost last year's return man in free agency. With Chambers and Booker we've got lots of experience at the WR position, so we don't necessarily need a guy who can catch a ton of passes right away, but we do need someone who's fast and can stretch the field. Miami lacked a big play threat on offense and special teams last year. (And really, when have we ever had a great kick returner? I wouldn't know how to handle having one). Last year we had a team that couldn't return kicks, would consequently start drives in horrible field postion, and then couldn't score because they were slow and didn't a have a QB that could get the ball down the field. Thinking like Cameron then, taking Ginn first and then getting their QB in the 2d efficiently fixes all those problems.

That's the theory anyway. But I did get some much-needed reinforcement of my desperate frantic on-the-fly spin from a Sun-Sentinel Column (which I'll link to if I ever figure out how to do it). According to the article, Cameron and Mueller did love Ginn and his quick-strike ability, and they had Beck ranked right there with Quinn. (So apparently they didn't dislike Brady but he wasn't worth a first rounder). The Dolphins were actually looking to trade up in the 2d to make sure they got Beck until Detroit traded down making a move unnecessary. What about trading down in the 1st if they knew they were going for Ginn not Quinn? Well, Mueller's quoted as saying he knew for a fact that two teams were ready to take Ginn if Miami passed, and the NFL Network reported Houston wanted Ginn with the 10th pick.Now should we feel better than Cameron and Mueller had a well-thought out plan to improve the offense, that maximized their first two picks, and executed it? I suppose I do. I also found this nugget from Dr. Z's draft report card: "if what I think could happen actually happens, then this will be a terrific draft, much more serious than its listed grade. I'm looking at a two-word possibility. John Beck. Quarterback. Gym rat, competitor, Jeff Garcia type with a better arm."

Just about every move made by the Wannstadt/Speilman and Saban regimes were total disasters. We can't let our disgust for them color our feelings towards the new regime (yet). Cameron and Mueller just made their first big moves. There's nothing to do now but wait and see if they work. Of course not only will Dolphin fans now have to root like hell for Ginn and Beck to succeed; we're going to be rooting very hard for Brady Quinn to fail utterly and completely (sorry kid).

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Brady Quinn, WTF?!?!?

As we all know, the Miami Dolphins haven't had a good quarterback since Dan Marino retired. In this decade, ten men have tried to carry Marino's jockstrap and ten men have failed. Their names are legend: Huard, Fiedler, Lucas, Rosenfels, Brian Griese, Frerotte, Feely, Culpepper, Harrington, Lemon (memorize that list). In their proud 41-year history, the Dolphins have had exactly two good QB's: Bob Griese and Marino. Both were first-round draft picks and both are in the Hall of Fame. Miami hasn't drafted another first-round QB since 1983 and every QB move they've made since has blown up in their faces. We have no QB and our offense stinks. Clearly, drafting a quality QB was the priority for 2007. Enter Brady Quinn. Savior, Notre Dame Pinup Boy, 69 TD's and 14 INT's over the last 2 years. 99.99% of all Dolphin fans assumed they'd be taking the dude if he was available. Hell, forget Dolphin fans. EVERYBODY thought they'd be taking the dude if he was available. Most people thought he wouldn't be there at #9. He was. Cleveland passed. Everyone else passed. Every Phin fan watching couldn't believe our luck. Finally, Marino's successor had arrived. And with the ninth pick of the 2007 NFL Draft the Miami Dolphins select...Ted Ginn?!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? The first big pick of the Cam Cameron/Randy Mueller era, and it's an Eric Kumerow type bombshell. Dolphin nation rocked. Mel Kiper shocked. Steve Young pissed. Nobody projected Ginn that high but everyone projected Quinn that high. So, do we give Cameron the benefit of the doubt here? After all, he assured us he knows the Ginn family personally. What more do you want?