Chatting About the Worst Team in Football

No need to beat a dead Dolphin by rehashing yesterday's disaster in too much detail. Before the game I wrote, “If they’re not good enough to beat the freaking Raiders then a one-win season could be a real possibility.” The only question I have now is which of their remaining opponents is Miami good enough to beat to earn that one win? Actually, I have two questions. The other is, who will the Dolphins take next year with the #1 draft pick?

Culpepper’s 5 TD revenge-day naturally topped the game headlines, but really, he hardly threw the ball, he looked slow, and had some wide open lanes to run to for easy scores. Yet, compared to his opposite number Trent Green, C-Pep performed like a Hall of Famer. Let’s go through the Green checklist: Throws balls off his back foot for easy interceptions, check; Takes forever to get rid of the ball, check. Defenders repeatedly bat his passes down at the line of scrimmage, check; Slow as molasses, check. And what about the real cause of the defeat--that poor excuse for a rushing defense. 299 yards!!! Are you kidding me? Bad enough when a good back like Lamont Jordan plays well but 179 yards for Huggy Bear’s son!???

Ah, enough of this rehashing that I said I wouldn't do. If you missed the game (lucky) and want to get the flavor of what happened, here’s various excerpts from mine and Jeff’s in-game online chat:

Jeff: why are the cheers so loud for the Raiders?
Rob: Good god we stink
Rob: What? [A] flag on them?

Jeff: DB keeping [his] back to ball [was a] really good idea
Jeff: I think we were offsides there

Rob: Pep as mobile as he was for us last year.
Rob: Green will lead us back! [haha]
Jeff: Sure. We are just instilling them with a false sense of security. Wonder if the crowd would cheer any Dolphins' successes?

Rob: Nice of Green to elude the rush and run backwards to lose even more yards on the sack.

Jeff: I like the laser lock Daunte had on our LB's helmet. These two are both sucking.

Rob: Green slow as molasses. Hey, our 8th straight game without [a] 1st quarter TD.

Jeff: Chatman comes in, thud.

Rob: Green, YOU SUCK!!!!!
Jeff: WHY THE F### DID HE THROW THAT BALL I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM

Jeff: when did we lose all ability to stop the run?
Rob: This year.

Rob: Nice pass rush.
Jeff: CAM CAMERON REVEALED AS AN INEPT, EGOTISTICAL BUFFOON! RESIGNS IN DISGRACE AFTER GAME!!!
Jeff: Our secret weapon on "D"? Donovan Darius, a DB the Raiders cut in preseason! What a personnel genius! And Jesse Chatman and Jerry Porter are the only free agents to make the team! And they're doing f#####g great!!!

Rob: BUF wins. If ATL wins are we the last winless team?
Jeff: The Rams are also 0-4.
Rob: WE'RE WORSE!!!
Jeff: No s###, sherlock. I can't believe how pitiful we are. I want Cameron fired now.
Rob: I want Shula back. Even David Shula would be better.